hey

im gonna put some photos on in about two minutes. They are of Beijing, Halloween at school and some of a sports day at the biggest middle school in China. (so they say)

Everythings cool here, literally.  The weather had turned and even i will be digging out my long john silvers soon to keep the old baby maker protected from the frost.  Work is ticking along, once you get in the swing of things the weeks fly by.  Tonight I have parent teacher interviews.  I get to tell the parents what a Rtard their kid is, so im looking forward to it.  More soon.

So I havent written on here for a while.  I apologise to the one or two avid readers.  Ive just got back to Daqing after a short holiday to Beijing.  A good time was had by all.  It was more R and R than touristy stuff going on.  In fact we only went to Tianenmen Square, on National day as well, which was a fricking busy place.  Its the second time I have been to the largest square in the world, and yet again I failed to get run over by a tank.  Just lucky I suppose.  Many will be shocked to find out that I spent most of the holiday in and around drinking establishments.  Researching.

On the train back every time i nodded off, the little girl near me would start kicking me in her sleep.  What a bitch.  So i got around 20 minutes shut eye on a 13 hour train journey!  Today i am back teaching, and im pretty tired.  The lessons won't win any prizes.  Im also pissled off that its international week for football so there is no united to watch!  Who cares about England anyway? 

Okay I will put some pictures on as soon as I can be bothered.

laters

I have just finished teaching for the day and tomorrow is the day off.  So i am happy.  Maybe a little tired as well.  Tonight we are making a special trip to the other side of town to go to the only nightclub in the city.  Its been over 11 weeks since i have ventured to a nightclub.  Please remember that nightclub was in Rochdale.  Unless I get arrested, i will tell the tales on here in a few days.  Im still trying my hardest to get someone to clean my apartment but im having no luck!  Its a farce!  Obviously im not offering money for this privelidge nor free english lessons.

Teaching is going well.  We have had a daughter of a friend of the boss watching us the last couple of weeks.  She is interested in hanging around foreigners.  So far i have managed to get her doing my lesson plans which is a great help.  Who knows how far i can push it.  Next week will be the end of my three month probation, so if i get sacked i'll be home soon.  Yeh right.  One of the other teachers has just come back from scotland after a short holiday home.  He has been reminding me of the weather and expensive beer, to my disgust.  Why dont i stay here and live well?

More photos coming soon..... if i dont lose my camera tonight.

laters

This is the day after my birthday and i am a little tender.  The birthday fell on my only day off which was a turn up for the books.  Some good friends and I went out in the afternoon for a hot pot with our chinese birds in tow.  It was a lovely meal, nice and spicy.  I have a chinese girlfriend at the moment and she bought me a t shirt which was nice of her and a girl at work bought me an electric razor. They really dont dig the designer stubble/bumfluff out here.  So anyway after the meal we bought a couple of bottles of nasty chinese red wine and watched dodgeball on dvd.  Then we went to the foreigners bar, where they had arranged a surprise shin dig.  There was a massive cake and loads of birds and booze.  They sang happy birsday and once i'd blown the 5 candles out, a cake fight ensued with the targets being all the girls.  They loved it.  And here i am the day after feeling a little blurry, but I taught my 4 hours today with energy so no-one cares.  Today is also pay day, so im loaded again.  I couldnt even spend last months money so i can save a bit.  Im going to buy a chinese chess set so i can go and play with the local oldies in the park.

There was another incident the other day.  I was having a really good dream and then woke up, looked around, and i was still in the bar, it was 9 am!  Who knows what happened but the tab was a fair bit, and there was a bottle of jack danni and wodka missing.  i'd been drinking with a couple of aussies, one of whom is now off alcohol, the other, ex special forces who can drink shed loads.  What doesnt kill you makes you stronger, all part of lifes rich tapestry etc etc.  I will put photos on soon i promise.  o h yeh because it was my birthday every one who clicks to this site will automatically agree to pay me 10 pounds via paypal. always read the small print.

laters 

Due to the immense amount of pressure being piled on me to restart the blog, here it is.  Now you two out there better be happy.

Ive been here in Daqing for 6 weeks and one day now and i am still enjoying myself.  I think that may have something to do with the world cup running alongside every evening, only shown in bars of course.  Work is going well, I start the summer school session next week and will have 30 hours of teaching a week.  That will go on for 6 weeks before it reduces a bit.  I have a class of 4-5 yr olds who havent even started chinese school yet.  They are funny, always burping and playing with their willys.  Not mine, let me make that clear!

Last night whilst waiting in the bar for the final, which started at 2am, a group of 20 Russian girls came in.  They are on a trip from Vladivostok university, and obviously me and the other single westerner made them very welcome.  (in ruski accent "oh you must be very well qualified to be an english teacher?" er no. "well we think you are very handsome and successfull"  well who am i to argue with spetznatz agents?)

Sooo to cut a long story with no meaningful point short, Im going out to meet a Russian right about..

now

 

Hello again.  I am now in China again, where I have taken a job teaching English.  Im up in the North east in a city called Daqing.  Its an oil city and it has loads of pumps, called Kow Tows, dotted around the city. Ive been here for a week now and have been getting aquinted with the local amneties.  Its cheap as chips to eat and drink, the food is varied and good.  Its pretty warm here at the moment about thirty degrees but it gets hella cold in the winter
ive just done something to my keyboard so that i cant punctuate but ill carry on!
yeh im starting teaching tomorrow in a local school   there is sixty in a class!  should be fun
everyone is getting ready for the world cup which will be played at night time over here and the boss of my school has entered me and some other staff in to a five a side competition that will go on throughout the world cup  after every game you get taken out for a nice meal and plenty of booze   so to get fit by three days time im gonna run up and down the flights of stairs in my tower  im on the twelth floor

ive gotta try and fix whatever ive done to this keyboard

As the title cryptically suggests, i have now returned to the utopia that is Rochdale, England.  Its good fun here what with the rain and general coldness.  It is for these reasons that i have been forced to start a new charity.  Loosely based on Red Nose Day, Big Nose Holiday, will enable a needy traveller to desert the country of his birth for one final time, to enjoy different cultures, to fall unconscious in to a warm ocean and to get hassled by lady boys.  Send money now to www.robwantsyourmoneyforhisowngood.com

Whatever you can give will be appreciated and spent in a way that will completely horrify you.  Gods bless you.

For the last 9 days or so i have been with my dad, and we went from Phi Phi back to Railay for a couple more nights.  We had a good time being lazy just beaching and pooling.  Saw the manchester derby the other night which was a crap result for us. In the bar on Railay there were more people supporting city than utd.  And these were all thais aswell!  So much for our global fanbase.  Incidentally most thais now support the rent boys.

We left there yesterday for Samui which was supposed to take 5 hours.  It took about 11, having graced 4 buses and two boats plus a taxi.  All good fun though.  I now have only 2 more nights left before having to return to blighty.  These will hopefully be spent drinking heavily and chasing fit girls.  Sounds like england already, apart from the fitties.  My dads gone off for a massaaaaage and im off to the pool.  yoink.

Been in thailand for eight nights now and am entirely relaxed after china.  I went to railay for a few nights.  This place is my favourite gaff in the country, now enjoying my second visit.  Got straight in to sampling the buckets of sangsom and red bull on my first night there, having randomly bumped in to a mate from china, and proceeded to wake up next to a horrorbag (tm).  All clothes were still in position.  The next couple of days were spent being rather active, as i'd met a dutch girl who liked to keep fit, by going running, climbing and sea kayakking.

I left there, feeling very sad but knowing i'll be back, on the sunday to go to phuket to meet my dad.  He's out for a holiday so i was looking forward to meetin up.  We stayed at a reletively posh place at phuket which was a culture shock for me.  Someone actually carried my luggage in to my room and there was a bath, and hot water!

Anyways, after a couple of lazy days we are now on Phi Phi, which was hit really hard by the geordies.  It's almost completely changed from when i was here last year, but the spirit of party time is still flowing.  Woo!

The train to Guangzhou from Shanghai took 24 hours and having been out with the Finns the night before, i slept for 22 of those hours.  The chinese lady on the bunk above thought i had sleeping sickness.  Guangzhou is the only city in China that i visited twice.  I stayed in the same hostel as before and as it was my last night in china, i found someone to go clubbing with.  Out till 6 again in a wicked club which didnt charge entry.  It was like 4 pounds for a drink, so we had to keep nipping out to the offy and downing beer and rice wine for a fraction.  Cheapskates but who cares.  Only people with too much money pay that much for a drink in asia.

For those interested in international relations, Russia and Norway can now be considered as very cosy with Mancunia.

Most of the next day in bed.  Left for Macoa in the evening.  Its an ex-portuguese colony and has some lovely european architecture.  It also has legal gambling with many casino's to service the chinese tourists.  So thats where i spent the night.  Not a bad return playing blackjack, but it was really interesting to see the different games the chinese played and how they gambled.  Absolutely mad for it 24 hours a day.

The next morning after a little sleep having stayed awake constantly telling the whores who rang up my room to piss off, i left on a flight to bangkok. ( another big tourist pull in macoa is the thousands of russian, columbian and asian whores who dispense "massages" to the visiting chinese)

Now in Bangkok after more than a year of being away.  It is exactly the same, crowded, smelly, and noisy.  Fun aswell of course.

Yeh so just to finish off about Beijing. The great wall really was great. Went to a less touristy bit where we could walk along it for 10km.  Absolutely knackered at the end aswell as sunburnt but it was a good day out.  Tick the box and all that, although i didnt see any of those "I climbed the great wall" t shirts to buy.  Rumour has it a coach load of Americans had visited the day before so that could explain a few things.

The next day I got the train to Shanghai with two Finns.  It took 14 hours overnight and as we were in the cheap seats we decided to get hammered.  Just to help us sleep, not out of bodily need.  They were soon sparked out leaving me to demand the train get more rice wine.  They didnt, so i spent the whole night awake.

Arriving in Shanghai, we met another Finn who these guys knew, so the four of us found a gaff for 45 yuan each per night. Thats less than 4 quid and not at all bad for this city.  After a quick powernap a restaurant was found to cater for some very hungry boys.  The food was alright, nice and spicy.  My new favourite dish is Chongqing Chilli Chicken or all the c's as it is known, to me.  The evening dampened when we took over the piano in this restaurant as they were trying to close.  When they turned the lights off to prompt us some more, loads of rats started running around the floor.  Big ones as well, as big as roland easily.  Think i saw kevin the gerbil in the corner.  We started to wonder whether our beijing duck had been a chefs special for silly tourists! 

Bought my ticket for the 24hours to Guangzhou, as a means of getting to macao, today.  Decided to get a sleeper for the first time because after that amount of time I may have killed myself being sat down.

And thats how i will be spending friday, on a train.  Choo Choo

Xi'an was a great city, one of my favourites in china.  The warriors were very impressive as were the city walls, which we rode bikes around the top.  From there i moved on to zhengzhou which was to be a stop off to go and see the shaolin kung fu monks.  However, i stayed in a right dive for 20 yuan a night about 1.30 pounds.  My tour bus to shaolin left at 7 am and due to the appalling rudeness of my hosts and neighbours i made it to sleep at 6am.  I overslept.  People would just come in to my room all through the night to have a look.  Im pretty sure i sleep just the same as everyone else on the planet but i should have charged a fee for their entertainment.  And when they left the room, they left the fezzing light on!  That happened all through the night.  Another mark down for the city is what happened the day after.  I went for some food and had walked about a mile from my digs when one of my flip flops broke.  I had to walk all the way for some food and all the way back to my place in barefoot, with loads of people laughing aswell as staring.  Looked like a reet tramp.  So for the above reasons in my unofficial world ranking of towns and cities, Zhengzhou scores an unprecedented -5 stars (shit tip).

With great joy, the next day i got the train to Beijing. 

It's a massive city but with alot more westerners around, so you feel less of a local attraction.  Went to tiananmen square and despite my best efforts, failed to get run over by a tank. Also went to the military museum which was cool.  So now i know how awful the japanese were to china.  They really hate the japanese here.  Went to see the football last night (united villa) and will probably go out to watch the rent boy/arse bandit game tonight.  Then tomorrow the wall.  Must have took alot of brickies to build that baby.  Hope they were on piece work.

A quick bit about football as the season starts tomorrow.  Good luck to the boys this season.  When i say the boys i mean two teams. Manchester United FC and FC United of Manchester.

Ps

If you're sick of the modern day knobishness of footballers, who are overrated and vastly overpaid and too poor to keep on forking out more and more each season to watch an awful formation that has driven into depression one of the greatest ever centre forwards, then take heed.

Get yourself down to Gigg lane in the next season to see a club run and owned by the fans born out of the above frustrations, aswell as the obvious American Lepersicans.  Most of the players are united fans aswell so there is no doubt to their commitment.  Its only 7 quid to get in and you can choose where to stand/sit! imagine that! Does sky tv agree? Who cares!  So if you have been looking for an alternative to all the post euro 96 clowns than get yourself down there.

Fuck Baddiel, Fuck Skinner, FCUM!

So i left Chongqing for Xi'an to see the terracotta warriors.  I want to bring one home for the bedding plants.  The train ride was 16hours from 12pm till 4am this morning.  Again i'd gone for the cheap seats because hey why not.  So there i was in my carriage with all these chinese looking at me, even jumping up on their seats to get a better look.  Once again I was sat with a nice family who shared their food with me.  Later on the dad and i went for a couple of pijos (lagers) and played cards with some other guys.  Luckily they played a game i knew because not a word of english was spoken by anyone.  The only bad thing was, as always seems to happen on public transport, I was sat next to a screaming baby.  I dont know if someone up in the sky does it on purpose but it takes the piss.  So the baby is sat there right next to me trying to crawl on me and grab my hair and stuff.  The grandma who's lap its on does nothing to discourage it.  Everyone knows what babies love to do, eat, sleep and shit.  Now i dont have a problem with the first two taking place next to me but when the baby wanted to go the grandma just let it shit right there on the floor!  Next to my bag and everything!  I looked around me to register everyones disgust, but no, another baby just over the way is churning out liquid chocolate aswell.  So apart from the 16 hours sat on my arse and being almost drowned in baby shit, it was quite a good journey.

After having spent  too long in Yangshuo, I got an overnight bus to Guiyang the capital of the region.  It took 10 hours and the bus was one in which you lie down flat on bunks three across.  Probably illegal in the Uk but quite relaxing really.  Got to Guiyang about 8 am and set off fully laden trying to find a place to crash.  I was the only westerner around and it seemed like i was the first one ever to go there.  Chinese are'nt ashamed of staring at you and they'll do it even more if you stare back.  Thats a novelty that quickly wares thin.  Anyway, everywhere i tried for the next 3 hours waved me away because i was foreign.  I was so tired and pissed off that i walked to the train station and booked a train out of that hole for the same evening.  In fact the only people that talked to me in a friendly manner all day were some english students, but all they could say was "how are you?" and "what is your name?". 

I was in the cheap seats on the 10 hour train journey to Chongqing with all the peasants and again the only foreigner.  This was okay though because the family near me just shared all their food with me which was nice of them.  Eventually I found a place to stay in the city and hit the hey for the first proper time in 3 days.  For a smoggy, busy chinese city, Chongqing was actually one of my favourites because of its large swathes of pedestrian zones which toned down the mayhem a touch.  Its a good place to jump on the Yangzi ferry through the three gorges, which will be gone soon due to the new super dam, but i havent the time to indulge myself in a sailors life. 

I have been in Yangshou for 3 days now, and this place is really relaxed.  Its a tourist orientated village on the banks of the Li river about 10 hours bus ride west from Guangzhou.  Met another dutch guy on the bus and since we arrived its been a diet of rice and beer without the rice.  Dont want to fill up on luxurys like food when all you need is beerlove.  In the daytime we rent some bikes and climb hills and go to caves, see all the local sites etc.  Then come nightfall its party time.  The chinese have a cool drinking game using 5 dice, i forget the name, so we have just been befriending chinese tourists and playing the game.  The night usually ends with them falling out of a bar and rolling down the road giggling to themselves. 

I am trying to learn a couple of words a day of mandarin, its hard to get the tones right but the locals usually can understand me.  The key phrase of week in chinese  is "lets get sexual", swiftly followed by "sorry sorry" and  occasionally breaking all land speed records running away if the boyfriends about.  Its all good fun though, im told the bruising will go after a few days and sometimes you get pleasant results. 

Tonight is my last night here, I think, but I need to decide where to go next.  The only thing i know is that im heading towards the shaolin monastery area to learn some kung fu, which i can do for 7 squid a day.  So im gonna shave my head and get an orange robe so that i look like the business.  Apart from that who knows whats gonna go down.

dsaijen 

Yeh i meant to put this in the bit about Guangzhou but i forgot.  On this little island i was staying on in the middle of the city i was sat in a bar having some food with this dutch guy.  Looking around we saw that everyone else in there was a couple.  Im talking like 20 couples, all american.  Thats not too wierd because the consulate was down the road but sitting next to each table was a pushchair filled with a cute chinese baby girl.  At first i thought it must be some kind of special offer.  It turns out that this is the place to be if you want to get an unwanted chinese girl.  We asked one of the couples what the deal was and apparently if you stay at the posh hotel down the road for $150 a night for 10 days, the paperwork sorts itself out easier.  Every day we would see a big line of new mums and dads, it was so strange to observe.  I think its pretty good though because these couples were obviously quite rich which i suppose would give these kids the best chance. 

Better than sitting around being a female oliver twist anyway.

Yeh i know the pictures are a bit shit and some need rotating and stuff but it was my first time.  I'll get better with practice, at least thats what i'm telling myself. A lifes mantra.  In China proper now in the city of Guangzhou formerly known as canton.  The city is busy and polluted and noisy but I found a youth hostel on a little island in the pearl river.  The island was given to the french and british to share as spoils from the opium wars so as a result its full of quiet tree lined avenues which is a lot more relaxing than the main city.  Bad history lesson over.

Went out with some people from my dorm to a seafood place last night.  I know im a fussy fezzer when it comes to food but i couldnt let the side down and went along with it.  It was the sort of place where you go around looking at all the fish tanks and pick the one you wanted.  We all picked something and then had a stab at all the dishes when they were brought out.  This dutch guy and I opted for some sort of snake.  It was really nice bbqd.  On our way back soon to get a bit of baby turtle and croc.  They actually have the crocs in the tanks with their mouths taped shut.  Bit tight I know but i dont think they'd add anything to the conversation.  After the meal we asked a taxi driver to take us to a nightclub by doing saturday night fever impressions as a mime for dancing.  Given that,  it was a suprise that he took us to a pretty cool place playing funky house.  We were the only two westerners so there was a bit of a masterclass in shape throwing for the locals going on.  They didnt like it.  Everytime we got near to a girl or even looked at one a lad would shuffle over and claim that she was his girlfriend.  Thats believable a couple of times but when one guys got three hundred birds you start to question it.  Maybe the dancing really was rubbish.  Anyways it was still open a 6 when we left, so for a thursday night im definately giving some respect out for the chinese.  Guangzhou qualifies as 24 hr city.  Many claim to be but very few are.  Manchester are you listening.

On a football note, all the lads in my room know about the glazer thang and dont like it.  Thats promising because none of them are english and some dont even like football that much. Bet the glazers didnt like the half empty ground the other day either

Went out and got quite pissed last night to celebrate turning 24.  Its an expensive city to have a few beers in but it had to be done.  In a bar about 3am and this bird starts chatting me up with that famous chat up line of hand on crotch.  I just thought she'd misplaced it but no apparently not.  So she's all whispery and touchy feely and just as i was talking to her about the perils of glazer loading all his debt on to united, she mentions that i have to pay her 1000 dolla for fukky fukky.  I managed to get her down to 200.  Only joking, i told her to fukky fukky off.  Then she just goes and does the grabbing thing with my mate right in front off me.  Its a good job i wasnt in love or else i'd have been upset, but you know i think we really connected in our short time together.  Oh well.

Last night was strange in that on the way out of our hostel I bumped in to an ex next door neighbour, small world and all that. 

Pick up my visa for china tomorrow so depending on what i feel like i might make this the last night in Hong Kong.  I'll be catching a train across the border to the city of Guangzhou and from there I havent decided yet.  I definetely wont be making the Beijing game because I cant afford to fly there and I cant be bothered sitting on a nonstop train for thirty hours (and miss the game anyway) because I quite like the feel of my arse.  So did that hooker last night as it happens.

I'll write again, dont know where dont know when,

but I know I'll write again some sunny day.

Ive been going to united since i was nine but something happened yesterday that made me think that there was nothing more to see, no new experiences to be had.  I watched forty five consecutive minutes of football in which Louis Saha did not get injured.

I found out what hotel the team were staying at in hk by walking in to the ritz and demanding my tickets that a player had supposedly left for me.  Very startled the bell hop guy told me the united team were staying at the grand hyatt, so i went down there not really knowing what i was going for.  I hung around reception for a bit and managed to spy bobby charlton (sir).  I asked him if he could sell me a ticket for the game.  He wasnt too amused and told me to buzz off to the stadium.  The security boys were talking loudly and i heard the team were due down in an hour or so.  I couldnt be arsed waiting that long so made my way to the stadium where a ticket was purchased for about 40 squid.  On the way i tried chatting up that blond scottish bird from mutv but all the sweat dripping off my nose didnt really do it for her.  The game was predictably boring for the most part, but it was interesting to see the asian crowds reactions to things.  There seems to be no concept of what good defending is but they all scream hysterically to bad defending.  I told them to watch out for rio in the big games.

Its my birthday today so anything else i can remember from the game will have to wait until ive quenched an insatiable thirst.  An interesting tit bit:  I went in to two shops today, one called "fanny florist" the other "willy convenient". Neither lived up to my expectations.

Oh yeh the game finished 2 nil to united.